Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Remembering Spencer

Last week...well, not much happened. We just hung out at home and had a lot of fun playing. I kept track of Brooke's feeding and sleeping schedule. She is getting better at sleeping at night, although I wish that we were asleep before 11. It will just keep getting better. I am feeling great and I catch myself thinking I should get Jason to pick this up or I wish that I could clean the bathroom. And then I think...oh wait, I can do it myself. I can! It was great to clean the bathroom and have the stamina to do it after the surgery and not have a huge belly to block our shower door! It is awesome. It is seriously amazing what your body can heal from!
This weekend we went birthday shopping for Livy and Jake. Lora and Jake are coming to town in just a day and a half and I cannot tell you how excited I am! I miss my sister beyond words. I try not to think about it too much or I will cry. I talk to her practically everyday and sometimes more. I just wish that we could live right next door to each other so that we could help each other out. I about cried a river when I read her last blog about Livy and Oscar. I haven't seen them since August. They aren't coming to visit this time, but Lora called with good news on Wednesday and said that her family is coming for Oscar's spring break (that is a whole week!). We are so excited. Jason and Oscar have a special relationship and Jason was ecstatic, and we can't wait!
Sunday marked the 3rd birthday of our little Spencer's birth and death. When I think back it seems like it was so long ago, but also it feels just like yesterday when the doctor told me that he was gone.I feel numb sometimes when I think of him and there are some days that I don't think of him, but he is always in our family prayers because he is definitely a part of our eternal family so I at least remember him at the end of the day. I don't know what life would have been with him, so how can I really miss him? I guess I miss the idea of him. I cannot believe that I could have three kids under the age of 3! I think Tori really would have liked having an older brother in the flesh. I am glad I have the chance to cry. I really do miss my little boy and I really hope that Heavenly Father blesses us with another son someday. We celebrated by having donuts... although they weren't the best donuts in the world it was the thought that counts. We want to celebrate his birthday each year, and I am sure the girls won't mind having an excuse to have a special treat each year on his birthday. We hope to go to Provo and visit his grave site on Memorial Day.
My little Livy Lou filled this gap for me after Spencer's death. She was the little body I got to hold and cuddle and grieve with. She made me feel happy. This is the first year I don't get to go to her birthday party. I am really sad about this, but finances aren't spectacular right now. But I can just see her face when she opens her presents! I can't wait to see them in April!
Her are some pictures of the girls!
The many faces of Brookie:

the model stare...

the gangsta growl...

the "how are you doin'?"...

and the "cutie".

We had them snuggle in Tori's bed one night. I wish the pictures turned out better. The flash was horrible and washed them all out. Tori looks so tired!

Tori chilling on our "peninsula". That is what we call the big counter in our kitchen. It is sort of like an island, but is connected in on one wall (hence the name: peninsula).


Katie said...

such gorgeous girls!

Ryan said...

We remember Spencer at this time of year too. We miss seeing you guys but love to see how happy your little family is together. We look forward to the time when we can hopefully get together again and play some games and Jason and I can talk about how outnumbered we are!

Sawyers Family said...

Looks like you guys have all kinds of fun...even without money! And that's the way it should be.
It's crazy to think that you could have 3 kids under 3! I think about Spencer a lot and I think about how strong of a person you are. You are a great example to us!