Monday, April 11, 2011

It's a...

I am really having a hard time with this one. I really want to be happy and excited that I am having another girl, but I guess that is what will happen every time we find out the sex... I am going to remember Spencer and remember that I once has a little boy and I never got to raise him. I still have all of his little clothes that have never been worn and that I will long to put on my little boy. I wish that I wasn't so sad and depressed, but I am. I am having a hard time. I wish that I could just be happy that she is healthy and has all of her parts. I know I will be eventually, and really I know I am somewhere down deep inside. I think that I should have just kept this one a secret, then I couldn't have been disappointed to hold a sweet new little baby girl in my arms. I think it will just take time....and I feel bad about that...I should be happy NOW...I guess I am sad that I am sad about it.
So as I go through a box of kleenex mourning for my little Spencer wishing that I had my sister, my mom, a cheeseburger & some really good chocolate, you can check out the cute little pictures of our little girl number 3. I hope that she looks like me! :) I didn't include the one that says she is a girl because it was a little too up close and personal (if you know what I mean!).

Well, here she is. She is measuring a little small, but like all of my babies, she will be small. You can see her little left hand at the bottom of the picture!

In this one you can just make out her right hand and her right leg.

There are a whole bunch of limbs in this picture...maybe you can figure it all out!

Here her little right hand is next to her little face. She kind of looks like Tori here.

This one is a little harder to see, but these are her feet.

I LOVE this picture. Isn't it so neat? You can see all of her little bones in both her left leg and arm! AMAZING...and I think that she is only the size of a banana. Truly a miracle.

More legs.
Well, I hope I didn't depress you. I really am happy inside somewhere. She will be cute little bean. And here is to hoping that I get myself a pinto bean!


Stephanie Braithwaite said...

Maybe some day you will have a boy. Until then, I know you will love all your little ones to pieces. *HUGS*

Alpine Vision Clinic said...
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O's World said...

Thank you for sharing the amazing pictures and your feelings. I'm excited for you guys to have another girl!! You make such beautiful lil' ladies. My heart hurts for you and may not help now, but remember you have a forever family! You can look forward to the time when you'll get to raise beautiful Spencer! Love ya!

The Spendloves said...

Kendra- First of all, I'm excited for you guys. But, don't beat yourself up about how you feel. You of all people have a right to feel that way. I have plenty of friends who are sad they are having one gender or another and it seems a little silly to me. But reading about your feelings, I don't think they're silly at all. Just let yourself feel what you feel and don't worry about not having the "right" feelings. You know you'll love this little girl no matter what. But you can't help but miss your little boy.

And being the youngest of five girls, the teenage years will be tough, but it's a lot of fun to have that many girls in a family :)

Lora said...

I can already tell that she is going to be beautiful!!!!! I am so sorry, Ken. I miss Spencer too, and I know how much you wanted a boy. I wish that I could be there to cheer you up,hand you another box of kleenex, and eat a cheeseburger and chocolate with you. This little girl is one lucky little girl to have you as a mom. You are a wonderful mother and I know that in time you will feel at peace about this. And, never feel guilty for the way you are feeling!!! It is normal. You are human. It is OK to grieve. I love you so much, and so wish that I could be there to make you happy.

I can't wait to see what this little girl looks like. And, I am afraid that the odds are stacked pretty much against you. Jason has some SERIOUS white genes, but I will cross my fingers for a pinto.

Love you. Love you. Love you.

Sawyers Family said...

I love Lora's comment, Jason has some serious WHITE jeans, but don't you have some WHITE jeans too? LOL!!
Either way she comes, she'll be sweet and beautiful! Wouldn't that be cool if she had your skin color and big blue eyes like Brooke? AMAZING!
I love the photos and I understand your feelings of disappointment. But like everyone else has already said, you'll love her just as much as the others.
Do you have a name picked out yet and when is she due to arrive?

Alli Blue said...

Well, I know from FB that you are already happy! I am sorry for you missing Spencer. You will have him again someday! As for this baby! Let hope for BROWN!!!! :) Love you Kendra!!!!

Katie said...

It's ok to be disappointed. Things will work out in the end, but taking time to mourn is always ok.

The Broderick Family Blog said...

I'm sorry you are so disappointed. I was secretly hoping you would have a boy too because I know how much you miss spencer. Hang in there! We are excited to see if your next princess looks like you. :)